


Such Sweet Sorrow

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [15]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Death, F/M, Hope, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Marriage, Season 2 filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9563603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: Demelza and Ross face some realizations upon the death of Francis.Confessions and truth arise....





	

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 filler stemming from that scene of Demelza in the navy blue dress picking flowers on the cliff that was originally intended to be included before Francis' funeral and was cut. Another "what if" for a deleted scene.

The sky was overcast as the figure in a navy blue frock walked along the cliffs picking up random wildflowers as she passed.  It had been a few days since Francis left the Nampara kitchen, full of promise at the discovery of copper, only to die in the mine he pinned his hopes on for a new future; a future not only for himself and his family but for Ross as well.  Demelza remembered their last conversation with sadness.  She and Francis, after years of discord over Verity’s elopement, had finally come to have what could truly be called a friendship.  Demelza had revealed to Francis her darkest fears regarding Ross and Elizabeth to which he assured her she was mistaken and underestimated her husband’s love for her.

However, now that Elizabeth was free, would her fears come to light?  She thought about this as she walked alone on the edge of the cliffs that had come to represent so much of her life with Ross.  It was where he found her and brought her back after her father had given him a beating. And where they sat after the duel between Francis and Captain Blamey when she told him this was where she belonged.  It was where he came looking for her after their first night together and she ran away thinking she was nothing more to him than a common slut. It’s where they walked after the pilchards came in and he kissed for the first time where she felt like his wife and equal.  It’s the path they took home from Trenwith that first Christmas and found they struck copper. And it’s where they said goodbye to Julia, and almost each other.

As she looked for flowers that were suitable for the occasion, she came across some bluebells but hesitated to gather them; they were a sure reminder of that morning Elizabeth came to Nampara after she and Ross became lovers. She already had enough Elizabeth running through her mind as she wondered for days what Francis’ death would mean to Ross’s relationship with Elizabeth. And with her.  A sinking feeling hit that automatically put her on high alert.  For the past year, she had noticed Elizabeth’s renewed interest in Ross, despite that fact that her own marriage to Francis seemed to be on more stable ground.  It started with the harvest festival and the conversation Demelza happened to overhear between her husband and his first love.  She had never told Ross what she heard but since that time she became extremely wary of Elizabeth’s intentions and let the other Mistress Poldark know this as well by the pointed look she gave her at the opening of Wheal Grace. 

Then at the Penvenen party, by some twist of luck, Elizabeth was seated next to Ross while Demelza was across the table opposite Francis but between the host and Captain McNeil. From her position, Demelza could see that Elizabeth had Ross’ rapt attention and that something she had said had unsettled him for he knocked back his drink with determination.  Later that night, after he teased her about Captain McNeil’s interest in her and she reciprocated regarding Elizabeth and Caroline Penvenen, they made love like newlyweds and Demelza put any sour thoughts out of her mind.  To think that was only a short time ago. Now, in an instant, everything had changed and they were all preparing for to say goodbye to Francis.  It seemed unreal.

She heard the bells come from Wheal Grace, and holding the small spray of flowers tightly in her hand, made her way back home to get ready for church.  Walking into the kitchen she saw Prudie, who seemed surprisingly quiet, working some dough while Jeremy and Garrick played on the floor.  Looking down at her son, Demelza wondered how things would change for him.  She knew that Ross had an inherent sense of obligation towards that side of the family ever since Charles died.  How much more responsibility would he feel was needed to fulfill that obligation now that Francis was gone?

Placing the flowers on the table, she gave Prudie a sad smile before kneeling down and gathering Jeremy in her arms to give him a hug.  Demelza again felt tears threatening to fall and did her best to hold them at bay because she didn’t want to upset her son.  She gave Jeremy a kiss on the forehead and stood, brushing her skirt as she did.

“Where’s Ross?” she asked.  Prudie looked up from her chore and Demelza could see that she too was moved by the death of Francis.  Her eyes were red and she wiped her nose with the back of her floured covered hand.

“Cap’n be up in your bedroom I believe. Went up after breakfast and ain’t seen him since,” the servant said. 

Demelza turned to leave the kitchen and head upstairs to check on Ross. He hadn’t said much since they brought Francis up from the mine and he returned from Trenwith after delivering the news.  That night, Ross sought comfort in her body and soul, as he took her and she gave of herself, without words. Their lovemaking was heated and passionate as if to assure each other that they were still alive.  Demelza met Ross on this plain, wanting him to need her as she needed him.  It could easily have been him that was lying underground for hours and thankfully was not.  Francis’ death was a clear reminder of the dangers of mining and how precious and tenuous life can be.

She quietly opened the door to see Ross sitting on the side of the bed, a boot in his hand, he gaze aimed vacantly at the fire.  Hearing a sound, he raised his head to look at her and she could see he was fighting tears as well.  Closing the door behind her, Demelza walked to him, forcing a small smile on her face while her true feelings of sadness and dread churned beneath the surface.  Reaching him she took the boot out of his hand and sat down next to her husband. 

“Ross?”  She put the boot on the floor and reached around him to put her arm around his back, pulling him towards her. He laid his head on her shoulder and said nothing. Demelza let him lean on her and placed a kiss on his head.  Feeling a shift in his body, he wrapped his arms around her waist and then moved his head to look at her.  Ross seemed to be searching her face for something, as if he was trying to reassure himself that she was truly there.  He lifted his face and kissed her.  It was soft and full of sorrow.  Moving away from her, he sat with his head in his hands and let out a sob.

“Ross?” she said again.  “Oh my love, I’m so sorry. What can I do to help?”  She rubbed his back and leaned her chin on his shoulder. 

“It’s my fault Demelza.  I should have told him never to go down alone. I knew he couldn’t swim.”

“No one could have foreseen what would happen.  If that were the case, I would have done more to stop Francis from going back,” she said, not realizing what she’d done until Ross gave her a questioning look.

“What do you mean? What could you have done?”  He waited for an explanation as her statement temporarily distracted him from his grief.  Ross wiped his face with his hand, sitting back on the bed to watch her.

Demelza bent over the side of the bed and picked up the boot she placed next to it.  Taking Ross’s foot she helped to put it on as she spoke.

“I don’t know.  Maybe keep him here when he came looking for you.  He was so excited after he found what he thought was copper,” she started.

“Yes.  And then as we all found out it was fool’s copper,” Ross practically spit out.  He pulled the boot up and tucked the cuffs of his breeches in the top.

“I know Ross but Francis thought he had finally done something to help you. To make you proud,” she replied.  And then added, “To make amends.” 

Ross lifted his head to look at her. She sat with her back towards the foot of the bed and leaded against the post.  Twisting the ring on her finger, she looked at Ross, knowing he what he was going to say next.

“Make amends?  For what?” he asked but deep down he thought he knew. 

“For Carnmore,” she said quietly.  There was silence as Ross got up and walked around the room.  He realized he really wanted a drink but there was nothing here in their room so he walked back to where she sat and rejoined her on the bed. Demelza let him get settled before she related what Francis had said.

“Before Francis left to go back to the mine he confessed about his part in Carnmore’s failing.  He said that he blamed you and me for Verity leaving and that was why he gave George the names of the shareholders.”

She deliberately spoke slowly hoping that if she took her time, Ross would as well before losing his temper.  So she was surprised when he did just the opposite.  He seemed to withdraw, thinking about what she had said and its ultimate ramifications.

“Ross?”

He stared at the fire, not daring to look at her.

“What else did he say?” 

His voice was tight but Demelza was unfazed. She wanted to continue and had hoped that she wouldn’t have to go into the rest of their conversation.  Running through the different ways she could tell Ross her fears about Elizabeth and Francis’ feelings on that same topic she realized that there would be no easy way to say it so she decided it was best to leave it alone. 

Taking a deep breath she simply said, “Francis said he would come back to tell you all this himself and then wait for you to throw him out or at the least, box his ears.”

Ross turned around to look at her then and saw something in her eyes that seemed to indicate that she was holding something back.  He had lived with Demelza too long to not see the signs when she was keeping something from him for whatever reason.  And truthfully, he wondered if it mattered.  He just wanted to get through the day.

“I might have too if he’d told me after I found out the news about the promissory note that George had.”

  Demelza watched her husband’s face as it went from anger to confusion to sadness again.

“And yet, if I were in his shoes I might have done the same thing.” 

He moved closer to her and took her hands, holding them in his caressing them gently.

“In fact, didn’t I do almost the same thing when you told me what your part was in Verity’s elopement?  Didn’t I blame you for something that truly wasn’t your fault?  And shut you out?”

His voice was raspy to the point of breaking.  Demelza hadn’t expected this kind of emotion from her husband and certainly not about something that had happened years ago.

“Ross, what makes you bring that up?” She was curious as to why he would think of that now.

“I don’t know. Except…” he trailed off.  He ran his hand over her wedding ring as Demelza watched.  She felt the warmth of his hand run through her and wondered why he had gone down this path.

“Ross, what’s wrong?”  She was growing concerned as she saw tears start to well up in his eyes.  The last time she had seen this kind of emotion in him was when Julia died. And then Demelza began to realize where his mind was going. 

“Do you realize Demelza, that if you had not recovered from that horrible illness that I could have lost you before having a chance to tell you….” Again he stopped mid-sentence.

“Yes?”  She felt her heart start to beat faster as she waited for his next words.

Ross pulled her closer to him on the bed, never letting go of her hand.  He looked into her blue eyes and saw love reflected back at him.  His mind went back to those days of utter darkness and he wondered how he could have let his hasty temper overshadow his wife’s good intentions. He had said at the time that her heart was so generous.  Too bad that he didn’t learn from her example sooner.

“When you told me about what you did to help Verity, I reacted unreasonably.  I should not have blamed you for what happened to Carnmore.  There was no way you could have known what Francis would do.”

“Ross it’s over. Why are we discussing this now?”  Demelza now switched position of their hands and she took his to comfort.

“Because I need to say this to you. Francis’s accident just proves that fate can hit at any time. And you may not be given a second chance.”

“My love,” Demelza started to say and then stopped when she saw Ross wanted to continue.

“After that---disagreement—it was wrong of me to treat you so coldly. There is no excuse for that and…” he stopped, not able yet to say what he wanted to. “Then when you told me that you went to Trenwith to tend to Francis, Elizabeth and Geoffrey Charles, I was angry that you would do such a thing after what Francis did to us, but then I understood why.  You couldn’t let them suffer because of a falling out.  That’s not in your nature.”

Demelza was now the one with tears filling her eyes and she did nothing to stop them from falling. Ross saw this and raised his hand to brush them away as she leaned her cheek into his palm.

“That night when you came down with the same disease, Dwight told me that you most likely wouldn’t last the night.  He said I should pray and as I sat at the side of the bed, I did pray. Something I hadn’t done, well, in too long a time.  I prayed for you and Julia to get well but I also prayed that if you recovered you would forgive me.”

“Oh Ross, there was nothing to forgive,” she whispered.

“Yes Demelza there was.  I treated you terribly, especially since you were my wife.  I should never have doubted you.  When it seemed that I was losing you, I was beside myself that I would not get a chance to show you what you meant to me, or how much I loved you.”

Now Ross was the one with the tears.  Demelza shifted on the bed so that she could gather him in her arms and pull him to her chest. Ross clung on as if there was the possibility of her leaving him again. He took a few deep breaths and continued.

“When I came back after the wreck and saw Elizabeth taking care of you I was surprised.  But more importantly, I was angry.  At that moment I didn’t want anyone in that room except you and me. For if this was the night you were to leave me, I wanted those last moments alone with you, to tell you all that was in my heart.”

Demelza was at a loss for words. In all the years of her knowing Ross Poldark, never had he ever opened up to her so fully, without any inhibitions.  It was as if Francis’s death showed Ross what they could lose if they wasted time.

“Ross, I do know what was in your heart. At least part of it,” she answered.  Ross sat up and gazed into his wife’s eyes.  He was confused as to what she could possibly be talking about.

“How Demelza?  I’ve never been bright enough to actually tell you what I feel about anything, especially you,” he responded, the hint of a grin appearing on his face.

She returned that smile and reminded him.

“It’s true I was still so sick that night when Elizabeth came to take care of me.  But the fever had broken and I could understand some of what was going on around me.” 

“Yes?” His curiosity was piqued and he gave her all of his attention. 

“I heard what you told Elizabeth. About losing the love of your life.”  Demelza took a breath after letting those words out.

“You heard that?” Ross was embarrassed that his confession was heard under the veil of sickness and that he had not said those words to her since.

“I did Ross,” she said quietly.

“It was true,” Ross said in confirmation.  Demelza knew her husband well enough to determine he was just saying it to appease her.

“No I don’t think it was, Ross.”

“Why would you say that?”  His back stiffened as he spoke. 

“Because at that time, we still had not reconciled over Verity’s elopement so I truly believe you were saying what you hoped was true.  Perhaps what you wanted to be true.”

Demelza saw his eyes flash and he was starting to get angry.  Maybe today wasn’t the day for truths but she needed to know and needed him to know what was in her heart.

“It’s fine Ross.  That was years ago and since then we have grown to love each other in such immeasurable ways.  I could not imagine my life without you.”

Ross stood again as he needed to walk away from her for a moment.  He was upset that she doubted his intentions and yet, she was right.  He did love her but was she the love of his life at that time?  Even he didn’t know. Demelza saw the conflict playing inside him but went on.

“I remember something else as well Ross,” she murmured.  He turned and stood at the foot of the bed, pulling his braces up and reaching for his waistcoat.  She watched as he continued to dress, knowing it was to keep him busy from fully focusing on what she was going to say.

“I remember you asking me to come back to you.” 

At this, Ross stopped what he was doing and stood still, the memory of that moment fresh in his mind. He was sure she was going to leave him that night and begged for her to return.

“Do you also rememberwhat you asked me, Demelza?”

She nodded slightly and felt the color rise in her face. 

“Yes Ross.  I asked if Elizabeth had come to take you.”

“And do you recall my reply?”  There was a touch of annoyance to his tone but Demelza was not afraid. 

“I do. You said she would never take you.”  Her voice was barely above a whisper as she fought the fear that was beginning to brew inside her.

“Exactly so,” Ross told her as he closed the last of the buttons.

“Is that still true Ross?” Demelza wasn’t going to ask it but since they were at that point, she did.  Let him be angry or let him tell her the truth. She’d deal with either response.

“What?”  Now she saw that Ross had had enough. His eyes narrowed as he scanned her face looking for some sort of explanation.   “Why are you asking that?  What silly thoughts are going through your head Demelza?”

Steeling herself for whatever wrath would come her way, she thought to tell him what she overheard during the harvest celebration. Instead she’d bring the conversation back to her last with Francis and her concern that Ross, could never truly feel for her as he did his first and perfect love.

“Francis is gone Ross.  Elizabeth is free,” she said.  She fought to keep her feelings in check but failed as her voice broke and tears started to gather in full force again.  “What’s to keep you from going to your first love Ross?”  Her question was said sincerely, with no bitterness.

Ross stopped dressing to stare down at her.  He could tell that she believed this.  His wife, who had been a part of his life for almost ten years, was questioning his love.  After all they’d been through, all they shared and lost, she was afraid she would lose him as well.  How was he so blind to his own wife’s feelings?  Today was the first time they had spoken about their concerns and trepidations.  Not more than a few moments before he was telling her that he was afraid of losing her before he got the chance to let her know how much he loved her and yet in all that time she wondered if it was true. Ross saw Demelza’ s features change as she continued to cry silently and his annoyance at her worries spurred him to go to her and pull her up to face him.

“Demelza?” he started. He took her face in his hands and held her firmly.  “You’re incorrigible, do you know that?” His voice was low but teasing, a lightness in it that was unexpected considering the circumstances. 

Presently Demelza’s sobs subsided as she looked into his warm, brown eyes, the hints of green clearly visible today.  He shook his head slightly and kissed her. It caught Demelza by surprise so she didn’t know what to do.  Her arms hung limply at her sides but as the kiss continued, strength found its way through her body and she raised her arms to grasp his. She held on firmly, responding to his kiss with equal fervor.  The kiss ended but they kept their eyes closed as their breathing came back to normal.  A few more minutes passed and they separated, still gingerly holding each other, not wanting to break the connection.  Demelza tilted her head back to catch Ross’s gaze and saw lingering passion but also something more.  He was examining her waiting for her to confess whatever else was on her mind.

 Not able to avert his look and needing to get her thoughts together, she stepped back to allow for some space so she could tell him what else was bothering her.

“Demelza?” he asked quietly.  “Tell me what else you and Francis spoke of?  Was it about me?”  There was a pause and then he added, “And Elizabeth?” 

“Ross,” she began.  “Today is not the day to go on with this discussion.  You’ve told and shown me that you love me.  That’s all I need to know.”  

“I want to know Demelza. Please. What did Francis say?”  He sounded desperate almost as if hearing Francis’s words would somehow bring him some kind of closure or even comfort.

It was clear he was not going to give up so she told him.

“Francis said that he was not surprised that you loved me. And that I should stop comparing myself to Elizabeth.” 

After saying her peace, Demelza walked around Ross to her dressing table and sat down, inhaling slowly and deeply.  She looked in the mirror and assessed her face. Her eyes glistened from crying and taking out a handkerchief, she dabbed at them, wiping the traces of her tears away. Her cheeks were flushed and she put her hands up to them, feeling the faint residual warmth from Ross’s kiss.  Picking up her hairbrush, she delicately tried to tame the wayward curls that had gotten loose during her walk earlier not to mention the activities she just enjoyed with her husband.  She started to secure the pins holding her tresses off her face when she saw Ross come up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. 

“Stop that,” he said firmly. Demelza looked at his reflection in the mirror and wondered what he was talking about.

“Stop what?  I have to finish getting ready. We can’t be late,” she said simply.

Taking the brush from her hand, he leisurely ran it down the back of her head, careful not to undo what she had pinned already. He followed the path of the bristles with his hand, smoothing her flame red hair as he went.  After a couple of passes, he reached past her and put the brush back in its place on the table.  Leaning down, he leaned his chin on her shoulder as she had done earlier and whispered in her ear looking at her in the mirror.

“I don’t know how Francis became so insightful about you and me and our marriage, but what he said was true. And now what I say is true as well.  You might have doubted it all those years ago but do not doubt it now.  You _are_ the love of my life, Demelza.” Ross stood up, his hands caressing her shoulders as his fingers ghosted over the exposed skin of her dress.

“Oh Ross,” she cried trying to turn to face him but he held her in place. 

“I love you Demelza, take that to heart.  And when there are rough times for us, remember that and hold it fast.  Will you trust me on this?”

His face broke into a smile and she responded in kind as a wordless agreement between them. She raised her hand to lay on his and gave it a gentle squeeze.  With one final look at herself, she stood and walked into his embrace.   Ross’s hands automatically went to her waist, his thumb rubbing the stiffness of her stays.  He noticed her dress for the first time, the darkness of the color setting off her alabaster skin and making her eyes appear a brighter blue if that was possible. She was breathtaking in her mourning. 

“I know this might not be an appropriate time to say this but you look beautiful Demelza.”

“You’re right it’s not very appropriate but then you always do seem to defy convention, don’t you Ross?” 

There was a twinkle in her eye as she spoke and for a moment they forgot what they were facing today. When they did remember what they were preparing for, they gave each other a reassuring but sad smile and finished dressing.  Ross went to the wardrobe and grabbed his overcoat while Demelza picked up her hat.  He took her hand and kissed it, the reality of the day and their conversation coming back in force.

“Come, let us say goodbye to Francis, my dear,” he said, his voice again thick with emotion.  “And Demelza, stay close.  I think I will need your strength today, love.”

“Always Ross. Always.”  She linked their hands and moved to open the door.

“One more thing my love, what happened in the past is over and we can’t change it. And the future is unknown and might never come. So we must focus on today.” 

 

****~~~~****

She stood in church and watched as the casket was brought down the aisle and placed at the altar.  There was no use now trying to ebb the flow of tears and so Demelza let them come. She watched her husband standing next to the wooden box, her heart aching for him.  She could see the pain in his eyes and on his face as his scar was a bit more noticeable.  In front of her sat Elizabeth, demure and stately in her black widow’s garb.  Demelza had wanted to offer her some comfort but something prevented her from doing so.  She turned slightly and saw Verity, looking much like Ross with a deep sorrow etched on her face, pale and wan.  Demelza could imagine her feelings at losing her only sibling for despite their differences they were still blood and that tie could never be broken. 

As the congregation settled down, Elizabeth suddenly ran into Ross’s arms, clutching him in desperation. Demelza watched as her husband gave solace to his cousin’s widow and the nagging thought that she was his first love resurrected itself in her mind.  Now Demelza keenly felt the pain of Francis’ loss for as much as Ross’s words of love and devotion seemed true earlier, something deep within her soul told her that nothing would ever be the same again.  This belief solidified itself in her when she saw Ross cling to Elizabeth just as tightly, not caring who was witness to it, least of all her. 

She was reminded of that phrase she heard once: _Parting is such sweet sorrow_.  And she believed in some dire way it would be true. The loss of Francis was devastating on the most basic of levels but for some inexplicable reason, Demelza felt a sorrow more than just his physical death.  In some way she was sure that this was also a loss for her marriage that she and Ross might not be able to recover from. She also found herself bitterly thinking that for Elizabeth, this could be the sweet turn she had always longed for: a chance to reclaim Ross.

Demelza felt guilty at the last thought as she reminded herself where she was and sat down.  Holding tight to the flowers she had gathered and as well as the words of her husband, Demelza bent her head and silently asked Francis to watch out for them. She had a sense they were going to need it.  Silently she replayed the words Ross said as they departed for the funeral: _I love you Demelza, take that to heart.  And when there are rough times for us, remember that and hold it fast.  Will you trust me on this?_

Her head was bent, her eyes closed as she cried quietly when without knowing why she felt eyes upon her.  Looking up she gazed directly into the face of her husband.  He had turned around to her, his eyes silently seeking some of the strength he told her he might need.  Brushing her face with the back of her hand, she swiped at the tears and forced a smile for him. He replied in kind and then with a barely perceptible nod, pivoted back around to focus on the altar.  Demelza let her emotions of insecurity fade for the moment and put her hand on Ross’s shoulder. He immediately reached up for her and held on, his hand cold to her touch; the first time she hadn’t felt any warmth coming from his skin.  They stayed like that throughout the services until it was over. When they needed to break so that Ross could accompany Elizabeth out, Ross reached out to her as he passed where she sat and motioned for her to join him.  Demelza was unsure about what he wanted and hesitated for a moment until Ross leaned over and whispered in her ear.

“Come with me Demelza.  I need you and I think, perhaps, you need me too. Let us say goodbye to Francis together.  I believe that’s what he would want.” 

A half smile graced his face as he gently pulled her to him, linking her arm through his.

Elizabeth looked over her shoulder to watch the exchange and without any expression turned to continue walking behind her husband’s casket. 

Ross and Demelza followed close behind, their bodies flush against each other as they made their way out of church.  Stopping to let their eyes adjust to the sunlight, Demelza turned to Ross and touched his cheek.

“Are you alright my love?” she asked.

“Yes Demelza. Surprisingly I am.  Just stay close,” his statement almost a plea.

Demelza looked up at his face and saw that something had changed in him. She wasn’t quite sure what it was but was sure that Francis, in some divine way, had something to do with it.  She would say an extra prayer and thank him.  For although they had a great loss something was found.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all as always for following, reading and commenting. I am truly humbled by all the support


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